excerpt from Chapter Two
"Princess of Shadows"
Family legend has it that when I was born, my father cried and refused to talk to anybody for three days. He thought that I would be either retarded, congenitally insane or mentally deficient at the very least. I had arrived in this world nearly three days late, my bald baby head interestingly striated with great throbbing veins of scarlet and violet and swollen to three times normal size with fluid. My father still isn't sure that there isn't something wrong with my head and I am all too often inclined to agree with him.
Back then, though, it was enough that my father had ensured the continuity of the family name by producing a son at his very first attempt.
However, when my father finally emerged from his shell shocked state, he also ran into the problem of providing a suitable name for me without causing a massive falling out between his family and my mother's equally eager parents, brothers, sisters and assorted aunts and uncles.
Both sides were anxious for the honor of providing a suitable appellative for the firstborn representative of the new generation. Had things turned out differently, I would be named either Eng Leong, which means Magnanimous Hero or Lai Joo, which means Arrival of Treasure, today.
As it was, my parents racked their brains for four days before arriving at a solution pleasing to both my grandfathers. My parents decided to name me and their subsequent children, after the kings and queens of England.
And so, I was named Charles, my sister, Elizabeth and my brother, Edward.
It was a solution born of desperation but a brilliant one, considering the fact that both my grandfathers were the most steadfast of Babas. In case you don't know it, the Babas were the original WOGs, westernized oriental gentlemen. The Queen's Chinese, in fact.
Unfortunately, my parents forgot the Chinese habit of giving children baby names or 'milk' names, by contracting their proper names and doubling the syllables.
Had I been named either Eng Leong or Lai Joo, I would have been either Leong Leong or Joo Joo. Either milk name would have been acceptable since the former meant Great Magnanimity and the latter, Bountiful Treasure.
Elizabeth and Edward were luckier, ready contractions for their names being readily available, and to this day, everybody in the family calls them Betty and Eddy. My name was Charles, however, and I became Chacha.
I hated that name at first and I still wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that to this day, I have never been able to learn that particular dance. I wished that my aunts and uncles who were responsible for the dreadful contraction of my particular cognomen, had nicknamed me Tango instead.
It is my father's favorite dance and mine, the throbbing rhythm and romantic melodies of its music being so much more attractive to me. It is also the only subject on which my father and I have ever seen eye to eye.
Family legend also has it that when my mother was rushed to the Alor Setar General Hospital to deliver me into this world, my grandmother had rushed out to the main road, commandeered the first passing trishaw, incidentally bumping the wife of a local bigwig, headed straight to the Temple of the Lotus Cave and demanded that the temple medium invoke the Monkey God to answer her queries concerning the fortunes of her very first grandchild.
Back then, in those innocent days of 1959, the medium at the Temple of the Lotus Cave was considered to be the best and most proficient at invoking the various gods of the Chinese pantheon and his forte was invoking the Monkey God, a frontline general in the Heavenly Host, bravest, wisest, most puissant, powerful and kindly, who was the resident deity of the temple.
The Monkey God asked my grandmother for thirty drums of fragrant oil to light the temple continuously for thirty days and nights. Apparently, the old lady had asked the deity to make the firstborn of her own firstborn child, both male and exceptional and the deity had agreed, informing my grandmother that the stars having ordained it so, my fortunes were linked to the radiance of the temple's interior.
My father has always felt that his mother asked the wrong deity's help because apart from all the other godly attributes, nobody has ever been able to deny that the Monkey God's prime claim to godhood was his indefatigable deviousness. I have always felt that granny's mistake was not specifying in which fields or areas I should prove exceptional. I know for a fact that I am exceptionally good at giving my father white hairs, for example.
My earliest recollection is that of my father patiently trying to teach me to play football.
My father and all his siblings are blessed with wonderful co-ordination and had learnt ballroom dancing from grandpa even before they could drive. My father and First Aunt actually had lessons from a British couple who were certified gold medallists and the two of them often joined their teachers in giving ballroom dancing exhibitions at various other towns in Kedah state.
My grandfather's children were all sportsmen and sportswomen as well. Even Second Aunt, whose later interests centered solely around the beauty industry and its effects on her lily-white face and body, was a school runner with five running medals to her credit.
My father had taken out the most prized sporting memorabilia of his own school days. His dark blue leather football boots and the football with which he had scored the winning goal against Alor Setar Secondary School, both much darkened by time but the leather kept still supple by monthly oiling and polishing, to teach me the rudiments of the game that had become a family tradition.
Unfortunately, Destiny played a cruel trick on my father. His firstborn son turned out to have less kicking power than an aged and arthritic duck.
To his anguished cries of "Harder! Harder!" I tried my best to maintain the family tradition. And failed miserably.
Had I known how cruelly I was fanning my father's hopes with various excuses and he spent thirty minutes each way, carrying me on his Raleigh bicycle, to and from the Ibrahim School field, first to put on socks, then to put on sandals with closed toes, and then proper shorts and after that, a proper football T-shirt, and finally shoes that laced up properly...
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